Parenting Through His Eyes

I will never forget the day that Will and I witnessed a child being slapped.  My body was frozen unable to react to what was unfolding before me.  Somehow I rallied and finally was able to calm my then boyfriend now husband down enough to take a deep breath.

First let me explain we were at the West Point annual 1812 concert.  It is a wonderful event full of great music and fireworks.  A couple of blankets in front of us sat a family; mom, dad, and son.  As we sat on our blanket enjoying the beautiful summer day, we were people watching when by chance our eyes landed in the same area.  I have no idea what transpired prior to it, but the father’s reaction was a full force smack across the little boy’s face.

I think I might have literally gasped out loud, however I quickly realized Will was already on his feet; his gut reaction taking over and wanting to do something.  I quickly rose myself and pulled Will’s arm, in the opposite direction to take a small walk.  It was in that very moment I knew exactly what kind of dad Will would be.

From the very beginning I knew Will was good with kids.  In college he was a lifeguard and spent much of his time playing with the children at the local park.  I have to be honest that was one of the things I fell in love with.  It came so naturally and unforced for him.  But now here in that moment at West Point I knew something else very important about him, no matter what he would never hit our child.

A lot of people have different views on what is acceptable discipline for their children; however an act of violence should never be one.  I never understood the theology of getting a child to behave through hitting.  It isn’t respect you are establishing through that, it is fear.  Your child might not do something again but it isn’t because they understand, it is because they are scared.  Some people do not care about the reason as long as the end result is the child does not act up again.  To me it is more important that my child understands why instead of living in fear.

It still haunts me today about that little boy. Was that an isolated incident (I tend not to think so since it was done so publicly)? Should we have done something? I myself at the time was scared to get involved and maybe we should have. I am no perfect parent by any means. I lose my patience and at times have to leave the room to calm down, but I know I will never ever strike my child to get them to listen, understand, or learn. The only lesson a child will learn from hitting is fear and I promise that is not a lesson you want your kids to live with.

 

 

 

Trials and Tribulations of a Three Year Old

Its only 9:16 AM and my husband and I have already weathered an epic meltdown from our son.  At times frustrating and at times almost amusing, I am exhausted and so is he.  What makes matters worse is my daughter at times feeds off it as well and deteriorates to a puddle of nothingness as well.

Observing these meltdowns it’s obvious that his little body is battling his emotions versus what he wants.  Most of the time his emotions over take him and it is our job to calm him down enough to get him back on track.  In the middle of this particular breakdown at one point he didn’t want mommy or daddy and told us to go away.  The rejection from a three year old stings especially when it’s your son and you want to comfort him.  I have to remind myself the rational side of him is not winning the battle right now.  It’s also hard at times when these meltdowns occur to stay come and not get swept away with it as well.  It would be all too easy at times to lose my patience and have my own breakdown but that would not serve anyone very well.

In the end we prevailed and now he is calmly drinking milk and watching Thomas and I am just thankful that peace has been restored once again.

Giving Thanks Even When It’s Hard To

Do you remember when you went school Sunday nights you would get that pit in your stomach?  Another week is about to start.  There is no running, there is no hiding, I am going to have to go to school.  That’s exactly how I feel about going to work this week.

Work has been especially tumultuous lately for me.  My son’s temper tantrums and my daughter’s marathon crying episodes pale in comparison to the knot forming, anxiety ridden, stress inducing day I am looking forward to tomorrow.  Another person quit on Friday and with her leaving not only do I lose a co-worker, a friend, but my commiserating ally.  It’s hard not feel like lone woman on an island.

I am so glad that this week is a short week.  I get out early on Wednesday and then I have a four day weekend to look forward to.  I am really excited about that and I am trying to concentrate on the date night on Wednesday with my husband, Thursday good eats at my in-laws, and then Christmas decorating on Friday.

I guess in the long run I should be very thankful.  As hard as my work days have been lately, at least I have a place to go to work to.  Sometimes its very easy to lose sight of those things when you are in the midst of hard time or a pity party.  This week I am going to try my hardest not to concentrate on what’s so wrong in my world right now but what is so right in my world right now.  To my husband, children, family, friends, and even work, thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving