Baby Wednesday is Born

“And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make.”

June 10, 2015 my journey as a gestational carrier ended.  “Baby Wednesday” was born at 2:59 PM and altered the lives of everyone in the room with me that day.  For me it was a moment of closure of a process that had carried on for a lot longer than 9 months; for the intended parents it was a moment of joyous tears; and for the medical staff that were there that day they watched in awe over this rare moment.

June 5th was the first day I thought maybe my journey was coming to end as I began to have contractions that went on for several hours, but then it stopped.  The following day was Saturday and my family went to my parents’ house as they lived closer to the hospital that I was going to deliver at.  During the day I began to have some serious contractions and then they stopped.  We stayed at my parents’ house thinking that it might start up again overnight, but it didn’t.  The next morning after breakfast my husband and I packed up our kids and went home.  In the late afternoon I began to have some very painful contractions and I was convinced this was it.  We drove down to my parents’ house again and then the contractions stopped, again.   Frustrated and tired I was looking forward to my appointment I had the next day with the midwives to find out what was going on.

During the appointment I found out I was dilated 2 cm, but no signs of immediate labor were apparent.  I was scheduled for the next day, Tuesday to be induced.  I was so excited as were the parents.  Overnight there was a storm.  I am not sure if it was the change in the barometric pressure or just coincidence, but apparently every woman in the tri-state area (I might be exaggerating a little bit), except for me went into labor.  By 8:00 AM my inducement time got pushed back till 3:00 PM.  Needless to say I was more than ready to have the pitocin drip begin.  Unfortunately, after hours of having the pitocin drip in me it was 1:00 AM and my contractions were still rather irregular.  It was thought best to quit until the next morning (6:00 AM) to get some rest.  I however got no rest.  I was still pregnant with a baby leaning heavy on my bladder and no position was comfortable.  On top of that, every so often a nurse was coming in to take my blood pressure, check the baby monitors, etc.  I was exhausted by the time the morning came.

Since the pitocin had proven not to be so effective the next morning it was thought best to begin with an oral inducement as well as the pitocin.  But I was warned that if my body was not ready this could possibly not work.  The midwife spoke to me about breaking my water, however if the baby was still not born within 48 hours of breaking my water, a c-section would have to be done.  Tired and so done, I was up for anything.  The intended parents really did not want to see a c-section happen as they were concerned for my well-being.  I anxiously waited to see what would happen.

As luck would have it a couple hours after the pitocin, the midwives felt pretty confident with breaking my water.  My labor was progressing and I was well on my way to an epidural.  Needless to say the epidural for me was glorious as I was unaware of how imminent delivery would be.  It was not until I asked the midwife at around 2:30 if she thought they baby was going to be born before dinner and her reply was, “She will be born in the next half hour,” that I realized that “it” was happening.”

Nine minutes of pushing, that’s all it took.  Beautiful, miraculous, “Baby Wednesday” was born.  The moments that followed were ones filled with relief, joy, and tears.  It’s funny in hindsight I can see how we were all part of something so much bigger than what we realized at the time.  The staff kept saying what an awesome moment it was to see and experience, but for us it was just living, experiencing the moment.

It was not easy for any of us to get to that moment, but it felt good to be there.  Now there is one family completed and full of so much love.  I am so happy that I could do that for them.  For me, I am glad that I can now focus on my own family.  If there is not one thing I have learned through this experience is that love is a very powerful thing.  It can transcend us to do things we thought we would never do.  Never take love for granted and never underestimate it because love truly will get you through anything and everything.

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The End is Near

It’s funny when I started this whole process as a gestational carrier one of the things that was told to me time after time from every professional was think about all the situations that could arise and plan for them.  However, just as I predicted there is no way of thinking of every possible scenario, and last week was one of those moments. 

I was at the 37 week checkup and afterwards the office had a mini class for those who were coming close to being due.  During the class the topic of having active labor came up and how to “work” through the pain and that is when it dawned on me.  With Liam and Ava in those moments of pain I told myself in the end there would be my son or daughter in my arms, and although it surely did not make the pain any better, it did renew my sense of perseverance.  I am slightly nervous now thinking about how I do not have the same motivation this time.  Yes in the end there will be a baby and a beautiful new family, however what will I have?  I am not trying to get something out of this, but I am slightly worried that I might feel….empty when this is all over.  Does that sound horrible?

I have told my husband how important it will be for me to see the kids as soon as I can after the delivery.  To have them in my arms to kiss, hold, and hug, I think it will help a lot.  I have also told him that after the baby is born and everyone is excitedly buzzing around the new baby and parents, that I might need a little extra TLC.  I worry now slightly that the aftermath might be a little harder than I had anticipated.  It isn’t that I want another baby, it’s far from that, it’s more just knowing what I am about to go through and having the strength to do it.  

10917266_819323801447500_6350335670359871823_nLiam and Ava I believe understand that the baby is not coming home with us as this is a constant conversation that I have with them.  I am so unbelievably happy that I have done this and if asked if I would do it knowing everything I know now, my answer would be yes.  However, I am looking forward to going back to status quo in my home.  I am also looking forward to having my body and life back.

Spring Has Sprung

As the snow is melting and gives way to spring this week I begin my last trimester of this pregnancy. Spring is the promise of new beginnings and the birth of nature. I can’t help but be excited over the new beginnings, and rebirth that is going on outside and within me.

I am excited over the new changes that are going to be taking place. The baby is due in early June and I have been thinking a lot about my kids and their reaction to this. All along I have repeatedly told them how mommy is carrying the baby; however the baby will not be living with us. I know Liam understands, but unfortunately I am not sure if Ava does. She loves anything baby and kisses my tummy almost every night. I am sometimes worried about how it will be for her after this is all over. On the other hand, I think it will be great example to my kids of doing something kind for someone else. Granted this an extreme example, but what a great way to show your kids that it isn’t always about them and doing for others is very important.

The baby in the last couple of weeks has become more active. I have been thinking about the delivery of this baby a lot lately. Although the process will be the same the emotions will be quite different. A lot of people have asked me how I will feel about it. It is hard to answer that since I have never been in this situation before, however I can’t help but think I will be excited. Excited over the new family that will be created at the birth of this baby, excited over not being pregnant anymore, and excited over new beginnings everyone will be experiencing.

This time of year usually stirs an excitement inside of me, as the grass turns green, the leaves appear on the trees, the flowers blooms, and the air even smells different. My husband and I have plans this summer for our kids, trips to go on, activities to do, that I am looking forward to. This spring is going to be very special and I am so happy that Spring has finally Sprung

What a Wonderful Life                                                                                                        Louis Armstong

I see trees of green, red roses, too,
I see them bloom, for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue, and clouds of white,
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky,
Are also on the faces of people going by.
I see friends shaking hands, sayin’, “How do you do?”
They’re really sayin’, “I love you.”

I hear babies cryin’. I watch them grow.
They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Yes, I think to myself
What a wonderful world